Priority:Tiptree
by OnTheArrow
Summary: "I'll find them; and I'll keep them safe. I promise" "I don't doubt that for one second, Commander" An alternative take on what happened on Tiptree. Spoilers for Mass Effect; rated M for language and rather depressing themes!
1. Distress Call

**Author's note:**

My very first fanfiction!  
Very much non-canon, but hey, that makes things more fun =D I am open to all sorts of reviews, as I have lot to learn when it comes to writing! Also, English is not my first language, so I apologise for any mistakes!

* * *

The Normandy flew smoothly across the great vastness of space.

In her room, Shepard could hear the light, faint thrumming of the engines beneath her. The ship was the quietest she'd ever boarded, yet at night she could hear and feel the low vibrations from the thrusters. It was a familiar, reassuring sound that lulled her into sleep every night.  
This night was different, though. She had been tossing and turning in her bed, unable to fall asleep for more than a few minutes. Every time she managed to doze off, visions of Thessia would torment her, and she would wake up in a panic; the planet was burning, and it was all her fault. Since she emerged from the airlock earlier that day, with Tali and Garrus at her heels, she'd been unable to look Liara in the eyes. The Asari had lost her entire world, all because Aemilia couldn't win the fight. That piece of shit Leng had escaped too, she thought bitterly.

It had been a while since Shepard recorded a victory, and lately she'd been feeling as if she was on the losing side of things. Her spirited optimism was slowly fading away, replaced by doubts and anguish and a desperate hopelessness that she was utterly unfamiliar with.

"Shepard."

Aemilia's eyes shot open when she heard EDI's familiar voice resonate through her cabin.

"EDI?"

Since the AI had acquired a physical platform, she rarely spoke through the ship's comms; EDI found that talking with the crew while being able to look them in the eyes made them more comfortable around her. As time went by, Shepard could have sworn the AI was becoming more advanced, more _human._ She certainly had her own personality, that much was undeniable: she spent most of her time down in the cockpit with Joker and, to Shepard's dismay, the AI seemed to have acquired several traits of the pilot's personality. She had become sharper, and had developed a taste for sarcasm – which she started using of a tad too often, to Shepard's taste.  
However, tonight, there was a hint of worry in EDI's voice.

"Something is wrong with Jeff."

 _Jeff? That's new,_ Shepard thought as she quickly got out of bed: it was the first time she heard the AI refer to a member of the crew by their first name.

"He re-plotted the Normandy's course." EDI continued as Shepard hastily jumped into a pair of trousers "I thought you'd like to know."

"Most definitely. Thank you EDI." Shepard replied.

She was out of her room and into the elevator in a matter of seconds. She wondered what the hell had gotten into her pilot: he had always respected her authority as Commander of the Normandy (well, as much as he was capable of) and only something huge would have pushed him to disregard her orders and reroute the Normandy.

* * *

When she reached the CIC, she found a handful of crewmembers bustling about, muttering to themselves and frantically fumbling with the Normandy's control panels. They were mostly engineers, alerted by the ship's sudden change of direction. Shepard ignored their puzzled glances, figuring many of them were surprised to see the Commander in her PJs, even though her black tank top and trousers were rather sober attire. She was glad she hadn't gone to bed in her fluffy pyjamas with the bunnies on instead; now _that_ would have been quite a sight for the crew.  
Aemilia continued onto the bridge, where she found Tali and Traynor. The Specialist looked as if she had just gotten out of bed too; she seemed pretty grumpy, which was unusual.

"Would you believe it, Commander? He's bloody locked himself in there!" the Specialist announced with a hint of desperation. "Tali said she could bust the lock, but we thought we'd try calling you before we caused any damage to the Normandy."

"Thank you." Shepard nodded in approval, before approaching cockpit's locked door. She knocked on the metal panels, hard.

"Have you lost your mind?" She had to shout so that Joker could hear her, but she did her best to not sound too angry. The helmsman made no reply; her voice grew louder.

"Moreau! You better open up!"

Nothing.

"Fine. Have it your way! I'll just have Tali bust the lock and damage your beloved ship!"

She heard an exasperated growl, then the doors slid open a little, leaving a tiny gap between them.  
Aemilia hastily squeezed through before Joker could change his mind. Sat in the co-pilot's chair, EDI gave her a concerned look.

"I'm sorry Commander, I tried stopping him. But… he said…"

"That I was going to erase your code, yes EDI." Joker muttered. His voice was strange, Shepard thought; it was snappy and tense, and had lost all trace of humour and sarcasm. Aemilia approached him and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Relax, Joker. Just tell me what happened."

Her pilot didn't reply, silently handing her a datapad instead. She turned it on, and a message popped up on the bright display.

 _From: Captain David Anderson  
To: Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau_

 _Joker,_

 _If Hackett knew I was sending this piece of Intel over to you he'd have my skin.  
He doesn't want anything interfering with Shepard's mission, but you deserve to know. Earlier this evening we received a distress call from our stationary fleet near the Thora system's Mass Relay. It appears Reaper forces have invaded. Tiptree has gone dark, so we don't know what the situation is there. The Alliance has sent in reinforcement, and a few Asari commandos that were in the area also answered the distress call.  
I am truly sorry Joker; I will be in touch if I hear anything else._

Aemilia put down the datapad with a sigh.

"EDI, would you mind giving us a minute?" She smiled at the AI. "Tell the Engineers to stop trying to correct our course: we're heading to Tiptree."

"I will, Shepard." she answered in her cool, smooth voice.

"I… Shit. I don't know what to say Joker." Shepard began tentatively once the cockpit's doors were shut again. "Has Anderson said anything since?"

"Nah. Nothing. I'm not surprised, though: if the planet's gone dark, we won't know anything until the communications lines are restored."

"How much family do you have on Tiptree?" She asked.

"Just my father… and… and Hilary."

Joker had mentioned his younger sister a few times: she was fifteen, wanted to become a pilot, and the two of them seemed to get along rather well.  
He stopped fumbling with the flight control screens and lowered his head. Shepard noticed his eyes were unusually red, and realised he must have been crying. Of course, given the situation, it was a perfectly normal reaction. Yet it troubled her deeply: Joker had always been stupidly optimistic, cracking jokes even in the most desperate situations and lighting the mood with his sharp wit. It pained her to see him so utterly defeated.  
Since she was given command of the Normandy, all those years ago, Joker had always been 100% behind her; the sheer, blind trust he'd put in her would often dissipate all of her doubts and insecurities about the crew, the mission, herself. She realised it was her turn to give him hope, to push away the fears, if only for a while. She straightened up, standing tall behind him, her hands resting on the back of his chair.

"We've beaten worse odds. What's our ETA?"

He sounded somewhat surprised.

"Uuuh…. We've got 45 minutes to the next Mass Relay, then about an hour to get to Tiptree."

"Good. I'm glad you rerouted the Normandy in time: I'd hate to get there and find out party's over."

"Jeez, Commander" he chuckled. It was a nervous laugh, but Shepard decided it was better than nothing. "I thought you'd lock me up in the hangar or something."

She smiled, her hand now gently squeezing his shoulder. He exhaled slowly, and she felt his muscles relax slightly under her touch.

"Maybe next time. Say, have you got a picture of your father and sister lying around? It would help to know what I'm looking for."

"Oh, Hil looooves to take pictures. Always flashing that camera of hers left and right: drives me mad." He reminisced while turning on his Omni-Tool and pressing a few buttons. "There. This one's pretty recent."

Shepard leaned in closer to take a better look at the hologram. Three figures stood against a verdant background of rolling hills and ploughed fields; the scenery reminded her of Mindoir. She recognised Joker, leaning against the trunk of an apple tree; he looked rather miserable, his face contorted in an impatient grimace. Shepard snorted at the sight.  
Next to him stood Hilary. The girl was young, and beautiful: she had long, curly brown hair tumbling down to her waist. Her eyes were emerald green, her bright smile heartbreakingly carefree. She was hugging her sulking brother tightly, and Shepard couldn't help but notice how similar the two of them looked. The third person was a tall lean man, sporting the same brown hair and emerald eyes as the other two. His smile was wise and gentle. Aemilia found herself thinking about the family she had lost on Mindoir: her grasp on Joker's shoulder tightened, until the pilot complained.

"Ouch. Easy there, Commander. Brittle bones, remember?" She withdrew her hand as if burned.

"I'm sorry." she muttered as he waved a hand in a dismissive gesture.

"It took me forever, but I've tracked down Hilary's Omni-tool signal." Joker announced "I can synch it to your own device. It should make things a little easier."

She nodded.

"I'll find them; and I'll keep them safe. I promise."

"I don't doubt that for one second, Commander."

Although he was turning her back to her, his voice betrayed his hopeful smile.

"Meanwhile, I need you to stay sharp: I'm guessing you haven't had any sleep this cycle… coffe?" she asked.

"Please."

"I'll get us some. Try to relax, if you can: EDI can take over the flight commands for a while."


	2. Arrival

Tiptree was a burning hell.  
They had touched down more than two hours ago, yet they hadn't encountered a single living soul that wasn't a Banshee or a horde of Marauders. But they were close, so close. Shepard's Omni-tool kept pinging faster and faster as they got closer to Hilary's signal. The Commander kept pushing on, barking orders at Garrus, struggling to provide cover for Tali as the quarian exploded her tech mines left and right in a bid to thin down enemy numbers.

It was a wonder the three of them were still alive, Shepard thought. They'd been fighting through the open countryside, with little to no cover to protect them. Every time they took down an enemy, ten more seemingly appeared out of thin air. As a result, it took them a very long time just to find a suitable breach in the enemy's defences: yet, somehow, they stood their ground.

"We've got an opening Shepard!" Garrus shouted behind his shoulder.

They made a desperate run for it. In the ensuing chaos, she somehow managed to get shot in the leg twice; she quickly applied two units of Medi-Gel to her wounds, but the agonizing pain persisted.  
 _Can't give up now_ , she told herself, ignoring the painful throbbing in her leg. She looked up to the starry sky: somewhere out there, she knew, Joker was anxiously fumbling with his cap, snapping at EDI and being downright rude to anyone who dared approach him. _He's counting on you,_ she told herself _._ The thought gave her strength, and she kept pushing forward.

The signal led them to an Asari commando. The aliens had found refuge in an old abandoned stone barn. Its southern and eastern sides were built against a tall rocky hill, so that only a combined attack from its northern and western flank could pose a real threat. The Asari knew this, and had tactically stationed snipers along the building's weak spots. Even so, there were too few of them: only a handful of huntresses were defending the makeshift stronghold. Most of them looked exhausted, as if they had already seen enough death and destruction to have lost all of their fighting spirit.

"That's close enough!"

Shepard raises her gun defensively as one of the Asari flared her biotics, raising a transluscent barrier between them.

"We're friendlies." Aemilia announced, lowering her gun "I'm Commander Shepard, with the Alliance Military."

The Asari gives her a long, hard stare before lowering the barrier.

"My name is Aeian T'Goni, Thessia Commando Ground Forces, second division. We were patrolling a neighbouring system when we received the distress call: we were among the first to reach the planet, just before all communications went down. Our orders were to evacuate as many civilians as possible, but… the Reapers hit Tiptree pretty hard Commander; we haven't found any civilians."

"I don't see any shuttles around here" Shepard pointed out."Have you lost contact with the fleet?"

"There is no _fleet._ " Aeian sounded mildly annoyed "There were only three Asari frigates on patrol when we picked up the distress call. The Elysium went down after it was hit by a Reaper. We've lost contact with the Javelin, and our own Commander left us for dead.  
We were taking respite at a human farm when Reaper forces attacked and forced us to make a run for it. Neaira, my second in command, disappeared; I lost most of my squad, and barely escaped with my life."

Shepard nodded slowly in understanding.

"I am sorry for your losses" Garrus stated while lowering his head in sign of respect.

"We are looking for a human girl." Shepard added "We've been tracking down her Omni-Tool's signal, which led us to you. The signal ends here."

The Asari seemed somewhat surprised.

"There are thousands of human girls on Tiptree." she sneered, and Shepard had to stop herself from punching her pretty blue face into the dirt. "However…"

Aeian started walking towards the barn, leading them towards the abandoned stables. The building was dimly lit and gloomy, but for now it seemed safe enough.

"There was this one girl, back at the farm; she was the owner's daughter. Her father had been killed when the Reapers first landed, but she managed to stay hidden" the Asari smiled fondly "She was very kind; she let me into her house to take a shower. Y'know, wash away the blood and all. I thought the place was safe enough, and I let my guard down.  
I shouldn't have. The enemy attacked while I was still in the shower. There was a banshee with them. I only escaped thanks to Hilary: she came to find me while the rest of my unit ran for the hills."

 _Hilary_ , Shepard through, a shot of adrenaline rushing through her whole body. _There must be other Hilarys on the planet,_ she told herself. _Don't get too excited._

But when she saw the girl, she felt her knees go weak. Brown curls. Green eyes. Joker's spitting image. _Hilary._ Before she knew it, she was running at full speed towards the young girl: Hilary's brow furrowed slightly at the sight, and she yelped when the Commander fell to her knees before her, hugging her tightly, as if she'd known her all her life.

"Holy shit… Holy shit..." Aemilia kept saying, unable to formulate a proper sentence. She never thought they'd find her. She never thought they'd find her _alive._ Shepard realised how badly she needed to succeed, to see a happy ending, for once.

"That's a bad word." the girl hissed as she thrashed around wildly to get out of Shepard's embrace. The Commander snorted; Hilary seemed offended. "Who the hell are you?"

"My name is Aemilia Shepard."

She let go of the girl. Hilary finally managed to take a good look at her, and her green eyes widened as she seemed to recognise her.

"Shepard? Commander Shepard?" the girl smiled widely as Aemilia nodded. "Where's the Normandy? Where's Jeff?"

Hilary was suddenly jumping up and down with excitement.

"I told him to stay back until we found you. The Normandy is our only way out: I couldn't risk losing it to the Reapers."

The girl nodded in understanding. _She's not afraid_ , Shepard thought. _At least not nearly as much as she should be._ Their situation was desperate, Aemilia was forced to realise as she scouted her surroundings. Enemy forces still surrounded them, and the gunfire was too heavy for her to risk calling the Normandy in. They would have to move again, away from the false safety of the stone barn. She turned back to Hilary.

"Listen sweetheart, is there anywhere quiet around here? Somewhere uninhabited, away from all this mess? I need to find a safe place for the Normandy to land."

The girl frowned.

"Hmm, there's the woods to the South of here, past the farm; I used to play there quite often. The cover is too thick, so you couldn't land a spaceship there, but there's an opening a few miles in. Jeff knows where. It's large enough to land a frigate the size of the Normandy, and it's far enough that I doubt any hostiles could reach us in time to stop us from taking off… provided your ship is as fast as they say, Commander."

"Faster." Shepard replied with a smile "How do you know so much about ships?"

"I want to be a pilot!" the girl announced proudly "Jeff thinks he's all that, but I'll become much better than him" she adds. Hilary's green eyes were determined, amused and mischievous, and Aemilia smiled at the girl's sharpness.

"Good. The man needs to learn some damn humility."

Hilary was beaming.


	3. Loss

Shepard had divided what little forces they had into three teams; Garrus, Tali and herself would lead the way, taking down as many hostiles as possible to clear a path for the Asari. She entrusted Hilary to Aeian and three other huntresses: they would protect the girl with their biotic barriers, ensuring no stray bullet could hit her. The remaining Asari would provide backup fire and crowd control through their biotics. She sent word to Joker to lock in to the coordinates Hilary had provided, insisting he remained on stand-by until they were sure the Normandy could land safely.

"Watch your shields!" She shouted as a bunch of cannibals rained bullets on them.

One of the Asari didn't get into cover quick enough, and got flanked by two Marauders. Garrus took out his sniper rifle, firing two clean shots that took them down instantly.

"Not bad." Shepard had to admit. Garrus nodded modestly.

Later, and despite their best efforts, they lost two huntresses to a swarm of Husks, and a third when a Brute crashed hard into them. The Asari protecting Hilary were still unharmed though, which gave Shepard some hope. She could see the southern woods in the distance, but they would have to tear through a bunch of hostiles before reaching the relative safety of the forest.

"Commander! Ahead of us!" Tali's voice called; Shepard had rarely heard such worry in the quarian's tone, which put her on edge.

She surveyed their surroundings, realising Tali had every right to be worried.  
There were three Banshees ahead of them, accompanied by swarms of Husks; the monstrosities shrieked, illuminated by the dim light of Tiptree's large moon.

 _Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

"We'll distract them!" She shouted over her shoulder "Aeian, get Hilary the hell out of here! Make for the woods! Run!"

The three Asari made a run for it while Shepard charged head-first into a group of husks; the sheer strength of her Nova sent them flying, clearing their path and allowing them to focus on the banshees.

"We'll take one each." She shouted at her two companions "Do your best to distract them! I don't want a single one of them following Aeian's team!"

She saw Garrus sprint towards the Banshee closest to him, while Tali made for another; Shepard took on the remaining one, flaring her biotics for a Charge. Her aim was true, but when she reached the point of impact, the Banshee had already moved. She realised with horror that the Banshee was ignoring her, and was instead making for Aeian's team in a series of quick biotic jumps.  
Shepard took out her submachine gun, rapidly firing bullets at the corrupted Asari in a desperate bit to get its attention. The Banshee was behaving abnormally; she kept ignoring Aemilia despite taking heavy fire from her, and was speeding towards Aeian and Hilary faster than Shepard could. She kept pushing forward, charging towards them then running like hell while her biotics recharged. _Not fast enough_ , she thought, _I'm not fast enough._

She watched helplessly as a large group of hostiles joined the Banshee in her chase. Under the pressure, the Asari huntresses dismantled, dropping their barrier and running in separate directions.

"No! Stay together!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, well aware that they could not hear her voice from such a distance.

She quickly lost sight of them. Tali and Garrus were far behind her now; she hoped they were safe.  
Aemilia kept running until her chest burned and ached. Eventually, she had to stop to catch a breath and reload her gun. The verdant fields all around her were dark and eerily quiet. She heard no more gunfire, a sign that the Asari were either dead or had decided to speed through the enemy lines. She hoped for the latter.

* * *

She'd almost reached the forest when she heard the Banshee shriek: it sounded close, very close. The scream was followed by another noise: a faint, whimpering sound. She recognised Aeian's voice.

"No, no, no. Goddess, please no… It's me, Neaira. Please, _please_ , don't you recognise me?"

Shepard froze.  
She could see Aeian, holding her gun up. Behind her, Hilary was lying against a tree: she was strangely still, Shepard noticed.  
The Banshee stood in front of the Asari commando: she must have taken a lot of damage, judging by its hunched posture and ragged breaths, yet something was stopping Aeian from giving it the final blow. Suddenly, Aemilia understood. The Banshee had been the Asari's second-in-command, Neaira. Aiean said her companion disappeared shortly after the farm where they were hiding was overrun by hostile forces.

"D-don't make me do this! _Please..._ "

Shepard had heard enough.  
She got out of cover, aiming at the Banshee's head, and fired a single shot. The corrupted Asari shrieked, throwing back her head, then imploded in a flash of bright light. Aeian screamed.

"What have you done?" the huntress growled, throwing herself at Shepard. The Commander swirled around and shoved her away with a powerful Shockwave, her eyes fixed on Hilary's still, tiny figure. Aemilia knelt before her, holding the girl in her arms. She was light as a twig, her brown curls all tangled up and caked with blood. Aemilia's eyes filled with tears: the girl had been shot, an expertly placed hit that pierced right through her heart.

"I… I had to do it." she heard Aeian's broken voice whisper; the Asari was limping towards them. Behind her, Aemilia saw Garrus and Tali rushing to meet her.

"The girl broke her leg during the chase." the Asari continued, her voice weak and feverish. "I carried her as far as I could, but Neaira was faster. We hid. But the girl wouldn't stop whimpering, she… she was giving away our position, so… so I had to…"

In a matter of seconds, Shepard had the Asari pinned against the tree's thick trunk, her hands tightening around Aeian's throat. Suddenly, nothing else mattered aside from ensuring that the Asari died a long and painful death.

"You killed her!" she screamed, her vision blurred by tears of anger "You were supposed to protect her. She trusted you! She trusted you, and you _killed_ her!"

She never heard Garrus shouting. The turian had to forcefully remove her clenched fingers from Aeian's throat; the Asari fell to her knees, her body shaken by violent sobs. Tali had rushed to Hilary's side, and was cradling the girl in her arms.  
Shepard thrashed wildly, but Garrus held her firmly to stop her from hurting the huntress.

"Let me go!" she growled " _She_ did this. She dies tonight!"

"That's not what Hilary would have wanted." Garrus' voice was calm and soothing, yet he sounded every bit as shaken as she was.

"You don't know what she would have wanted!" Shepard hissed angrily "She wanted to live, she fought like hell to survive, she… she deserved better than… than _this_ "

Her voice broke, and suddenly she was sobbing quietly, her face pressed into the turian's chest.

"She deserved better." Tali agreed as she stood up, holding Hilary's body in her arms "but you did all you could, Shepard. This isn't your fault"

"I signalled the Normandy for pick-up," Garrus said softly.

The four of them stood silently in the darkness, until they saw the Normandy's lights cutting through the darkness. The sight of her ship, _of Joker's ship_ , was too much. She broke free of Garrus' hold, keeping her squad mates at bay by erecting a biotic barrier around Aiean and herself. The turian tried to shoot through it, to no avail.  
Shepard drew her own gun. Aeian was whimpering. The Normandy was thrumming. Hilary was _dead._

" _May you find peace in the embrace of the Goddess_ " she heard herself whisper.

She pulled the trigger.


	4. Acceptance

Hilary's lifeless body had been tended to by EDI and Chakwas. They washed away the blood and dressed her in a white hospital gown before laying her down in one of the Med Bay's recovery pods. It had been almost twelve hours, but Joker still hadn't left her side. Shepard sat in the mess, her eyes glued to the floor, unable to eat, sleep or talk. She was exhausted from the mission, her whole body throbbing and aching, although she was barely aware of it.  
She never heard Chakwas coming.

"Shepard." the doctor sounded tired. She'd always been especially fond of Joker, Aemilia knew, and the events of last night had shaken her deeply. "Someone has to check on Jeff. He's been in there for hours."

"You go." Aemilia's voice was weak; Chakwas shook her head.

"I think _you_ need to speak to him. He is the ship's pilot; you cannot avoid him forever."

"I'm the last person he wants to see!" she protested, her voice now more assured. "He put his faith in me, and all I did was get his sister killed."

"You did everything you cou-"

"Didn't do enough" Shepard interrupted. She was tired of people patting her back every time she screwed up. "Damn it Chakwas, I fucked up! I couldn't save her, and now she's dead. That's the only truth I know."

"He needed closure, and you provided him with it." the doctor retorted.

"He needed his _family_. And I took that away from him." She held her hand to her mouth as an unbidden sob escaped her lips. No defeat she'd ever endured hurt as much as this one.

" _The Reapers_ took his family, not you." the older woman's voice was gentler now. She sat next to the Commander, placing a comforting arm around her shoulder. Shepard didn't budge.

"What happened on Tiptree wasn't your fault." Chakwas continued "However you may feel about it. As a friend, I know you feel like removing yourself from Joker's sight is the right thing to do. But as a soldier, and as his Commander, you ought to go in there and tell him what happened."

Shepard knew she was right, though she kept that to herself; she hated being wrong. She nodded slowly as Chakwas smiled encouragingly, then dragged herself to the Med Bay.

* * *

Joker was sat on a chair behind his sister's body. He was holding her hand, Shepard noticed, and she felt her chest tighten. He straightened up as the Commander approached.

"Shepard?" he sounded more exhausted than she was.

"How are you holding up?" She mentally punched herself as soon as the words escaped her lips "I'm sorry; that was a stupid question."

He shook his head, and for a moment Shepard was afraid he might refuse to talk to her.

"I'll be fine. Eventually." His gaze shifted back to his sister as he gently pushed a lock of long brown hair away from her face. Hilary looked peaceful, Shepard thought, but she looked _wrong_ : someone that young had no business being dead.

"Chakwas said you may want to know… what happened out there." She began tentatively.

Joker seemed to reflect on her words for a few minutes; then he nodded.

"She was still alive when we got to her." Shepard began slowly, her voice barely more than a whisper "Reaper forces invaded the farm; your father lost his life in the attack, but Hilary managed to escape. She ran up to the hills, and she hid until an Asari commando found her."

She told him how excited Hilary had been to see her, how impatient she was to board the Normandy. She recounted their escape, the mad run through the fields, the abnormal Banshee.

"I found them a while later. I took the Banshee down, but Aeian, she… "

Shepard fell silent. How on Earth was she supposed to tell him that his sister had been in pain right before she died? _Don't be his friend,_ she reminded herself, _be his Commander._ She did her best to stop her voice from breaking.

"Hilary broke her leg during the escape." she continued slowly "Her sobs were giving away their position, so Aiean she… she made her stop. It was a clean shot, Joker: she died instantly. She didn't suffer."

The pilot didn't say a word, his brow furrowed, his expression pained. They sat together silently for several long minutes, until Shepard couldn't handle it anymore.

"For what it's worth Joker, I'm –"

He cut her short.

"Don't say you're sorry Shepard; don't you dare. You did everything you could for her, and that's all I needed to know."

He smiled feebly at her, and she felt her heart break. She almost wished he'd been angry at her: anger was better than sadness. She felt warm tears streaking her cheeks as she stood from her chair and knelt next to his, hugging him as tightly as she dared. He held her until she had cried all of her tears, and then a little while longer. When she let go, her heart was a little lighter; she went back to her chair.

"She was a cool kid." she said after a while.

"I know. She was never your typical girly girl" Joker answered "Bit like you. She wanted to join flight school."

"I know." Shepard nodded "She said she'd make you bite the dust; I agreed."

"Of course you did." he grimaced as she snorted quietly.

"I wish I could have gotten to know her better."

"Oh man, she would have loved you. Not that I'd let her anywhere near you: you'd be a terrible influence on her."

She slapped his wrist, and he offered a sarcastic smile. They fell silent again.

"What happened to the Asari?" Joker asked after a while.

Shepard felt a rush of guilt wash over her. She wasn't proud of how she'd handled the situation. Although, she had to admit, it had felt terribly good to put a bullet in the Asari's head.

"She's gone" she admitted "I killed her. Garrus tried to stop me, but I… I was angry, Joker. _Really_ angry"

He nodded slowly, processing the information.

"Remind me to never piss you off." he finally said.

Shepard managed a smile.

"Yeah. Bit late for that, Moreau."


End file.
